


The One Where They Find a Skeleton in the Basement

by jim_n_bones



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: its just something that i wrote for my creative writing class, no relationship but if you want you could look at it as an established relationship, this is more of a best friend fic, this is really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 17:55:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10927017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jim_n_bones/pseuds/jim_n_bones
Summary: This is just a cute best friend fic I wrote for my creative writing class a while back,,Basically Bones and Jim find a skeleton in the basement of their new house and this is a short story of how these dumbasses handle the situation





	The One Where They Find a Skeleton in the Basement

  
  


It took three days for us to realize there was a skeleton in the basement, and I don’t know how to feel about that. 

“Jim! Get your ass down here  _ right now,”  _ I screamed - because if you had gone downstairs and found a  _ real human skeleton,  _ you would be screaming,  _ too. _

“Yes,  _ dad _ ,” Jim called back sarcastically; obviously he was taking his sweet ass time to find me, despite my terrified, panicked screams. What a great best friend _ I _ have. Eventually. Jim made his way down to the basement. Of course, Jim being Jim, he thought it would be funny to sneak up behind me to scare me. It worked (the sneaking part, anyways) until he saw the skeleton and  _ screamed.  _ Because of his sheer stupidity, we had a delay; I had to get ice for his busted lip and bleeding nose. Let’s just say that when it comes to “fight or flight”, I definitely fight. 

After Jim’s face was taken care of, we had the inevitable conversation to answer the following questions:  _ Why  _ is there a skeleton in our basement? Are you secretly an axe-murderer? What are we going to do with it? Call the police? What the hell?

We came to the conclusion that the skeleton was  _ definitely  _ in the house before we bought it- we had just gotten the house three weeks ago. Jim and I weren’t the brightest back then. We had decided that instead of going to the police,  _ like normal people,  _ we were going to hide the skeleton.

“Leo, if we go to the police, they’re gonna think we killed the guy! We can’t get arrested!” Jim had reasoned. After a few moments of consideration, I agreed. To this day, I regret that decision.

“Damn it, Jim, you’re right; I can’t lose my medical license because I get arrested for a murder I didn’t commit! Guess we gotta do something with this sack of bones then.” At that, Jim started snickering. Why you ask? Because I’m pretty sure Jim is a psychopath. “What’s so funny? There’s literally  _ nothing  _ funny about this situation.  _ Nothing, _ ” I snapped. 

“I mean, I don’t know,” Jim laughs, tears beginning to run down his cheeks, “I just think it’s kinda funny that the  _ one house  _ you decide to purchase out of  _ every house in this whole city  _ has a human skeleton in the basement. You were right, you really do have the worst luck.” While Jim began laughing even harder, I began wondering if I’ll end up with two bodies to get rid of by the end of the day.  

Later, as we put on our gloves and put the bones in a garbage bag, we attempted to create a plan of some sort. Keep in mind that like I said, Jim and I really weren’t that bright.  

“So, what’s your plan?” I asked Jim. He looked up at me, shocked. “My plan was to follow your plan.” God dammit.

“Great, so here we are, putting a  _ human skeleton in a garbage bag, _ and you’re telling me you haven’t even thought of a plan?” 

“Hey, you’ve established many times that you’re the smart one in this relationship.  _ You  _ come up with a plan.” I rolled my eyes.  _ Great _ . 

 

After arguing for half an hour, we eventually settled on what Jim liked to call “The Grand Scheme” - although our plan was definitely far from it. Well, more of _Jim_ decided on a plan. He thought we should give the bones to the dogs. I said no.

“But why? Dogs love bones. They’re dogs. Have you never seen like, a cartoon before?”

_ “Jim. _ It’s a cartoon for a reason. And don’t you think someone would find it a bit  _ odd  _ if they found a group of dogs playing with human _ fucking _ bones?” 

“I mean, maybe.” He crossed his arms, looking away like an angry three-year-old about to have a tantrum. Wait, I’m pretty sure that’s what he  _ is _ .

“Jim.” 

“What?”

“ _ Jim.” _

_ “What?”  _ He paused, then finally met my eyes. “Fine, what’s your plan?” 

“ _ Thank you,”  _ I smirk. “ We should just bury them. Obviously. It’ll be like a makeshift funeral.” Jim threw his hands in the air indignantly.

“My idea was basically the same.”

“Okay, no, no it was not.” The only response I got was a sigh.

Later that day, we threw the bones into the trunk of my car and headed out to well, the middle of nowhere. As I drove, Jim, being the idiot he is, was sticking his head out the window like a dog, and screaming along to whatever song he had added to the playlist he _insisted_ was the best thing to listen to when you’re on the way to rid yourself of human remains. Apparently, that involves a lot of Beyonce. 

Eventually, we ended up at the edge of a forest on the side of some old country road. I pulled over and turned the emergency flashers on, hoping no one would stop and ask us if we need help. The place we chose was near a small stream, and above it, the road turned into a bridge to allow cars to cross. 

“Is this where we’re gonna bury him?” Jim asked, still singing Beyonce under his breath. 

“Yep, let’s go,” I said, popping the trunk of the car. As soon as I saw the contents of the trunk, I whipped around, facing Jim. “ _ Jim. Oh my god.”  _

“Yes? What seems to be the problem, captain?” Jim replied, now dancing the choreography from  _ All the Single Ladies.  Perfectly.  _ When he had the time to memorize it, I still don’t know.

“Where are the damn shovels?” I yelled. 

“Shovels?”

“Yes. The shovels.” 

“I thought you got the shovels.” At this, I looked down, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“You’ve  _ got  _ to be kidding me,” I grabbed Jim by the shoulders, shaking him. “I told you to get the shovels!” 

“Oops,” Jim said, shrugging. “What are we gonna do now?” I pondered for a moment, before sighing. 

“I mean, I guess we could dig a hole with our hands, but that would take  _ forever. _ ” 

“We might as well, I mean we’ve got nothing else to do,” Jim proposed, taking a piece of gum from the pack in his pocket. He popped the gum into his mouth and picked up the bag. “Where should we dig?” Together, we walked a bit into the woods and tried to find a suitable spot for digging. 

Long story short, this plan didn’t work. The ground was way too hard for digging, and Jim was absolutely no help at all. His hands were “too delicate for this kind of work”. After this failed attempt, we grabbed the bag and headed back to the bridge. We then spent about an hour just sitting on the bridge, just looking down at the water and thinking of new ideas. 

“Hey,” Jim began with his ‘hey I think I just came up with an amazing idea’ expression on his face. “I think I just came up with an amazing idea.” Confused at my smug expression, he began to relay his idea. It surprisingly wasn’t a horrible one. We were going to take my spare tire and use it as a weight that would weigh the bag down and cause it to sink to the bottom of the river. 

“Jim, that’s actually brilliant!” I praised. “Let’s go get the tire.” We dragged the tire out from its place in the trunk. It was then that we realized that we had nothing to tie the bag to the tire with.

“We could use the straps on the bag to tie it, maybe?” Jim suggested. Well, we tried it. It didn’t work. We tried several other methods, and whether it be attempting to use vines from the trees or a single strip of duct tape we found stuck to the papers on the floor of my car, nothing worked. We even thought about using Jim’s pants for a moment, but that was quickly out of the question. 

“I am five minutes from just saying ‘screw it’ and setting it on fire.” 

“Jim,  _ no.  _ Don’t you dare set my spare tire on fire!” I began pacing, trying to think of some way,  _ any way _ , that we could get rid of this stupid bag of bones. Then I smelled the distinct smell of something burning. I turned around and gasped in a mixture of horror, anger, and shock.  _ Jim set the tire on fire.  _

“Jim, what is  _ wrong  _ with you?” I exclaimed, desperately trying to think of a way to put the fire out. Before I could come up with a plan, I saw Jim running towards the edge of the bridge with the burning tire in his hands. He held it an arm's length away from him, face turned to the side to avoid burning his face. Then, he threw the tire off of the bridge. It was that exact moment that I decided that I would definitely have two bodies to get rid of that day. 

“Jim, I swear to you, I’m going to kill you.” 

“I was bored.” He replied like that was a valid excuse to  _ throw my tire off of a bridge.  _

“Guess we’re gonna need another plan.” I declared, rolling my eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. 

We must have sat there on the bridge for over an hour. We were hot, we were sweaty, and I was getting much more agitated than before.  _ If  _ that was possible. 

“Ugh, can we just leave?” Jim asked, now shirtless due to the smoldering heat. 

“Y’know, maybe we could have been gone by now if  _ someone  _ didn’t throw our backup plan off a bridge.” 

“It was on  _ fire!”  _

_ “Because of you!” _

“Woah there, Bones, calm down, we’ll figure something out.” 

“Never call me that again.” 

“Why? I think it’s pretty fitting.” Laughing, I lightly punched Jim on the shoulder.

“Let’s get outta here, buddy,” I said, standing up. Jim looked at me questioningly.

“But what about the bones?”

“Let’s just leave ‘em on the side of the road.” 

“Okay.” Jim laughed. We both got into the car, leaving the bag of bones sitting on the edge of the road because, at this point, we were too tired to give a damn.

 

_ Several Days Later _

 

“Uh, Bones? I think you should get in here. Like, right now.” Jim yelled from the living room.

“What is it, Jim?”

“Just, come here. Hurry.” I sigh and put down the knife I was using to slice up the meat for the stir fry I was cooking. I grabbed a towel on the way out of the kitchen to wipe off my hands. I half jogged into the living room, slightly anxious to see what’s gotten Jim so worried. When I enter the living room, I see Jim sitting on the edge of the couch, remote clutched tightly in his hands. His hair was messy as if he’d just been laying down. He had worry in his eyes and a slight frown etched onto his face. That’s when I knew I should be worried. His bright blue eyes met mine.

“Look.” He pointed to the TV. It was paused on the news. A group of police officers was standing in the distance on an old dirt road.

“Yeah, what of it?” I asked.

“Look closer. Isn’t that the road we left the bones on?” My eyes widened. 

“Hit play.” Jim did as I asked, and the high pitched voice of the weekend news anchor filled my ears. 

  
  


_ Breaking News: _

 

_ Today, the James County Police Department got a report saying that human remains had been found on the side of Forthlin Road. Harrison Karlson, a local farmer, said that he was passing through the area when he noticed a garbage bag on the side of the road. Because he is highly adverse to littering, he decided to pick it up so he could dispose of it properly when he arrived back home. When he picked up the bag, he noticed a bone poking out of a hole in the bag. Once opened, he alerted the police immediately, saying - and I quote, “Oh no, bones help.” as he had found a human skeleton inside. Police are currently trying to identify the remains and locate who is responsible for such a travesty. More on this story will be reported as soon as more developments are made on the investigation. This is Vanessa Johnson with the James County Local News. Goodnight. _

 

The screen faded black, and commercials began to play. My jaw dropped, and slowly, I turned to look at Jim. Unsurprisingly, he was already looking at me, eyes wide.  _ Fuck. _

 

“Oh  _ no _ .” We both exclaimed at once. It was at this moment, it seemed, that we realized that we were both dipshits. 

“What do we do, Bones?” 

“Shh. Nothing  _ ever  _ happened.” 

“What? You’re saying we just ignore it?’

“ _ Nothing. Happened.”  _ I said, walking back into the kitchen and finishing my stir fry. 

“Well, okay, I guess,” Jim replied, still unsure. He flopped back down on the couch and switched the channel to a new episode of Gordon Ramsay’s  _ Kitchen Nightmares. _

 

That incident was never mentioned again. Well, until we got arrested. That didn’t go down too well. 

“And that’s the story of how I lost my medical license,” I say, taking a sip of my drink and looking at the group of people sitting in the booth with me. They all have amused expressions, laughing and making fun of Jim and me. 

“Wait,” A friend, Jason, began. “I thought this was the story of how Jim started calling you ‘Bones’?” 

“Oh yeah, that too.” 

 


End file.
